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I don’t remember ever feeling more electrified in my entire life. While I was still buried in her, but no longer moving, with a completely contented look Cecil mumbled gibberish every once in a while interrupted by a coherent remark indicating pleasure, such as “that was sooo awesome!” Once Cecil started making more sense I withdrew – sending a shiver up my spine and eliciting a frantic groan from her, and lay next to her. As we stared into each other’s eyes I got three or four “aftershocks,” my first ones in many years. She occasionally would shudder herself, indicating to me that she was experiencing aftershocks too. By the time that we started having a fully lucid conversation I looked at the clock next to the bed and saw that we had been making love for an hour and a half. When I pointed this out to Cecil she said “No wonder I’m so hungry, let’s order room service.” We quickly decided what we wanted to eat – something light – and ordered. When I went to the washroom in. Ken and I had been trying for a baby for nine years. We'd been checkedby half a dozen doctors. It was me that was the problem. Not Ken. Hecould have had children if he'd been with another woman. I was to blamefor stopping that happen. But all the IVF treatments had led nowhereand we'd given up in every way but verbally. We didn't even talk aboutit anymore. It made things too uncomfortable. The last time it had comeup I'd wept inconsolably for two long hours.I knew it was my fault and I hated myself for it, and watching thatwoman across the way churn out child after child made it a hell of alot worse.What had she done to deserve such abundance? What had that family done?All they did was sponge off the state and get in trouble. How was itthat God had chosen to give them the one thing that was most importantto me?And that's why I started to slowly and steadily obsess over that awfullady until I almost managed to kid myself that she was taunting me.Every time she went out to sit in the.
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